it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So vagazzling was a success
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
