I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize