a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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