The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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