I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you made out with another girl for some wings
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
