you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize