I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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