This is not my ceiling
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
