Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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