just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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