Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
