I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
