the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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