Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
