then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
