I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
