I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
