Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
