i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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