So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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