I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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