I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
