CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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