We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
