i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
