I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
