guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize