dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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