How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
two words: eviction party
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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