I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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