I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's paint friendship bongs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
