YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
be right there i have to get my cape
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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