my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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