That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
