Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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