He disabled his match.com account in front of me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
