if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize