No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
