After last night, I could never be a politician.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
