it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
