dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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