There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
