i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
