So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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