i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
