just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
