Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
