I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
