omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
handjob tips. give me some.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
