i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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