I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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