If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
