69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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