Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
