I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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