Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
