Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
