I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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