So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
