i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
