Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
