There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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