Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
