he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
