Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're a waste of cheezeits
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
