Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's never too late to be topless.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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