My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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