this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
