I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
