had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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