I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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